Enjoy what you are married to, big her up all the time and be proud on her age, shape and fashion. Why would you knowingly continue to do something you knew someone you loved had such a big objection.
I think your second paragraph really hit the nail on the head (about that's how she bolsters her self esteem) Think that too is most of my issue. And by intimacy, I don't just mean sex. If you struggle with that, then get a couples counselor.